Teary Eyes Abound

I've deemed this to be the mushiest time in my life. As the hormones have been doing their thing, my emotions have been all over the place. I cried as I listened to some sad story on the news. I cried when I got off the phone yesterday with an old friend who moved to LA because I miss her. I welled up when I said goodbye to my kids as they went off to the in-laws' for the weekend. Sad that they were leaving, guilty for being secretly glad to have some alone time, lonely because I knew how quiet our home would be, and of course, worried that they'll come home sick again. I'm a mess.

Unfortunately, DH seems to be having some empathy emotions, as he seems to be a bigger trainwreck than me. His tears are coming out as worries, however. I think he experienced his first unofficial anxiety attack last night. Up most of the night with a nervous stomach, high blood pressure, and the sweats, he's miserable. Now that our Parade of Homes entry has been officially submitted and paid for (over a thousand bucks just to submit - can you believe that?), the pressure is really there to get the house finished before the end of April rolls around.

Since our framing setback this fall, we've had to sub out some of the work that DH had originally planned to do himself due to his time spent framing it himself. That equates to going over budget in order to stay on time. Which means pressure to come in under budget on the rest of the house. He's now considering making our curved stairway into just a straight one to save a ton of time and a little money. I feel really bad for him because that's been the biggest feature of the home since we first drew up the prints. We're also changing to a more standard siding color because it will save us a couple thousand. I'm trying to talk him into leaving one of the downstairs bedrooms and bathrooms unfinished for now, but I'm not sure if he's buying it.

Up until yesterday, he'd been so excited. But now he's just worried about it all coming together in time and on budget and still being "cool" enough to stand out in the parade. With my unpaid maternity time and no big work projects lined up for after that, he's also really worried about how we'll survive financially on just his income. I've never seen him quite like this, and I just hope he doesn't wind up with ulcers or something.

For some reason, I've been pretty calm about the reality of it all. I have faith that it will all come together because we've made solid, logic-based decisions through it all. Our responsibility is bound to pay off - I bought a green minivan, for Pete's sake. I've built up a fat savings account. And we have some cushions to fall back on if we get desparate. Plus, I'm bound to line up more work once I'm back to myself (and out of maternity clothes!). That, and I know that God won't set us up for failure. He never does. He certainly has doled us our fair share of challenges over the years, but we've always come out fine and our marriage continues to strengthen. Why would this be any different, right?

So if you're looking for something extra to pray for this weekend, I ask you to think of my miserable, sweet, anxiety-filled husband. Please pray for some inner peace for him. And pray for this house to finish up quickly and as inexpensively as possible. (As for me, I continue to pray that our baby arrives safely in the coming week and a half.) Talk about a lot going on at once!