Trying to Stay "Up"

For the first time in many years, I'm struggling just a tiny bit to keep my happy demeanor. While in my immediate family, life is terrific, we're surrounded by more and more sadness. Today I learned that a former colleague's husband just passed away - from flu complications. And he was young. As in under 40. With itty bitty kiddos at home. Awful!

And more and more families are dealing with sick or dying babies, and I am so sad for the parents to be struggling so much. In our local MOMs group, there are a lot of moms in need right now and I don't know how to help to them. So I just pray - that I can make time for. That I can do with kids at home. That I can do when I stretch in bed - sleepless for hours.

And knowing that my friends from TEC, Sarah and Nathan, are dealing with major cancer ickiness (he's back in the hospital), my heart just aches. Why do so many good people have to have such crap happen?

When I look at how far our girls have come and what miracles God has displayed over and over again, I am so very grateful. And yet in the back of my mind, I feel so guilty. I don't think it's just pregnancy hormones.

You know, I'm pretty tough. I can handle anything you throw at me. So why can't I just trade spots with some of those who are suffering right now? Just to give them some respite. Even a couple hours. I'd gladly swap - I could take it. Unfortunately, that darn reality thing bites sometimes.

I'm treating myself to a "vacation" in a week and a half, and thankfully, it's something to really look forward to. My old college pal, Danyellow, and I are meeting in a city about halfway between us. We're only 5 hours apart, yet we act like it's 25 hours apart. She reserved a Ramada suite, where we can bring our daughters, compare our preggo bellies, and most likely, laugh and cry a lot. I haven't physically seen her in years, yet the closeness is always there. I can hardly wait! Having that out there in the near horizon has been big for helping keep my spirits up.

That, and having a DH who tickles me and snuggles and hugs and calls me out of the blue also helps significantly. And of course, seeing our girls tickle each other - or better yet, tickle themselves. Now who couldn't smile at that? The trick seems to be finding the balance of empathy and living for today. Wish me luck.